Dr. Lisa Damour gave a webinar entitled, Managing Stress, Anxiety, and Parenting Under Covid-19. Below are a number of key takeaways from the webinar.
Managing Anxiety
- Don't overestimate the danger you fear or underestimate your ability to deal with it.
- Stress and anxiety are normal and healthy, as they help us adapt. Stress and anxiety, however, can reach unhealthy levels. When they do, wrap yourself in your support system.
Parenting under Covid-19 Pressures
- Children and teens are resilient, and these unprecedented times may actually nurture growth in resiliency.
- Model how you want your child to think about a situation. Is this the end of the world, or will we get past this? Is this horrible, or just an inconvenience? Children read adults' cues, especially as they look for guidance on how to manage this novel situation.
- It is beneficial to focus on "buffering" chronic stress through seeking breaks and planning for fun activities.
- Make things predictable; regular start time, lunch time, etc., whenever possible, can be beneficial.
- Offer independence where possible. This is incredibly important and helps children feel in control and a sense of accomplishment. Their self-esteem is reliant on this. When they have jobs around the house they know their family needs them. When we trust them they know they are trustworthy. Dr. Damour suggests giving them a space to be "in charge."
Handling a Meltdown in 9, yes 9, easy steps!
(It hopefully won't take all 9 but they are there if you need them!)
- Listen without interrupting
- Offer sincere empathy
- Validate distress
- Support positive coping (see below)
- Express non-dismissive confidence ("This is hard, but I know you can handle it.")
- Offer to help problem-solve (offer is the key word here- do not jump to this step until you have completed 1-5)
- Divide the problem into categories: things that can change and things that can't
- Brainstorm solutions to those that can change
- Support acceptance of what cannot
Positive Coping Strategies for All
We as adults must do these things for ourselves in order to protect our children. We can ask ourselves and our children, "What do you need to do to feel better?"
- Alternative means of social connection
- Happy distractions (a book, painting, family movie time, etc.)
- Self-care (mental, physical, spiritual)
- Caring for others
- Following the Golden Rule, but also in reverse: treat yourself as you would treat a friend
Reassurance
A question was asked about reassuring a child if a parent is a front line worker (or just going out in public). Dr. Damour stressed the importance of honesty and the need to find "the lyrics and the tune." Be honest. For example, "I take every precaution at work because I know it is important for my health." Most importantly, we need to avoid promising what we cannot deliver. That is the lyrics part. For the tune, keep upbeat, positive, and confident. Our children pick up on our subtle messages. As parents, our stress and anxieties can feed children's stress and anxieties.
